And feeling so much better for it!!!!! The moods and blues are lifting, I still feel tired, like really tired but this to will pass – eventually.
We’re off to Ireland tomorrow, I’ve had my sister in-law book a spa day for the two of us and block a day off for some retail therapy. I have told hubby I will not be drinking in Ireland and I will be the designated driver. I have planned nandos at the airport before we fly so I don’t arrive hungry. I have visions of a lovely cuppa tea and biscuit/s when we arrive, followed by a nice early night. Bring it on!!!!
Feeling better again, I have a funny feeling that the past weeks low mood and tiredness has as much to do with PMS as it does being the first week of sobriety, the mood is lifting, the energy is slowly returning, what I need to remember is that in a months time I’m probably going to feel like crap and tired again and to know that this is PMS and it will only last a week, that I do not need a drink to get through it.
I have no real plans for today, hubby has taken the kids out for the day so I am completely free (this is in exchange for promising to take them swimming tomorrow on my own). I think I will give the house a super quick tidy, download some books onto the kindle and chill in the back garden – what a plan.
Feeling better today than I was yesterday, but still know I can feel better than this, slowly slowly I will get there.
Today I met a friend for lunch, I meet her about every 2 months, she’s great fun, she’s funny, self depreciating, has loads of stories and …………she doesn’t drink, she doesn’t drink because she doesn’t like the way it makes her feel and it ruins the next day, she doesn’t need a drink to go out and have fun, she goes to music gigs – on her own when no one will go with her, she goes to parties and dances like no ones watching, she is my kinda sober. She always asks how my sobriety is going and always compliments me on sober days acheived rather than drunken days wasted. I love having friends like this, that I can look up to and aspire to be like.
We are going to Ireland on Monday to stay with hubby family for a week, In all my years of trying to get sober I have never done a sober Irish trip, I’ve done NZ and my family twice, I’ve done 3 summer holidays but never Ireland. Going to start getting things in order, treats planned and the car put in my name so I can be the sober driver. There’s a first time for everything right?
Today was one of those fuzzy headed days, you know the ones where your brain feels full of cotton wool, you can’t focus or think properly. I knew I didn’t want to be around the house as hubby had people coming over to do some building works, so I met a friend for coffee which was lovely although I felt I was watching myself talk rather than being present in the conversation, then I headed into town treated myself a gorgeous lunch (sober treat) and brought a few bits and bobs.
Hubby is now at the pub and I’ve just had a lovely long hot bubbly bath, the head is starting to clear but still a bit foggy, I have a feeling I’m going to succumb to letting the kids eat dinner in front of the TV – oh well, needs must and all that.
So so glad to be sober but feeling a bit on edge today, feeling like I can settle and relax in my own skin, I’ve kept busy pottering, eating, reading but still just feeling a bit blergh, like I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve used lots of sober treats today, I’ve had the car washed and enjoyed tea and rocky road chocolate in the cafe while waiting for it, I downloaded a new kindle book and I’m about to go and have a nice long bath with some new bubbles.
I think I just want today to be over and to start again tomorrow.
Yesterday really helped remind me why I do not want alcohol in my life. I spent the whole day feeling nauseous, tired, grumpy, sad and just trying to get through it. No few hours of drinking are worth wiping a whole day out. I woke this morning after a 8.5 hour sleep feelings much better – still sad that I drank but still so much better, today is spent tiding the house, piano lessons and a nice long walk with the dog.
I drank yesterday at the school fair, crap, it was out of the blue and it was a situation I just hadn’t thought would happen. I was having a great day at the fair, had spent the morning helping set up and man stalls, I had just sat down with hubby and some friends to have a bit of lunch and a chat when one of the mums opened up a bottle of wine and poured everyone a glass, I drank it, I know it sounds so stupid, why didn’t I just say ‘no thanks’ ‘I’m driving’ something anything, I think it was more the fact that I wasn’t even asked do you want a drink, for this situation I had practiced my ‘no thank yous’ but to just have it put into my hand with no question just threw me, I know its sounding more and more pathetic but there we go, it was a situation I wasn’t prepared for and I failed. Maybe it would have been ok if I stopped at that one glass but I had 3 more and then me and hubby went to the pub and had 3 more and then came home and finished off a bottle of wine – blergh.
I feel like shite today – understandably. But once again I am reminded of why me and wine are not a good fit, drinking usually results in two endings, either I manage to moderate and only have 2 glasses of wine, I then feel all proud and think ‘look I don’t have a problem, I can drink sensibly’ which then results in me drinking more and more each night till I end up in an awful state’ or I just go for it from the beginning and end up in an awful state – see me and wine do not mix.
So heres to another day one – hopefully this one with a different ending.