Not posting, yes drinking

I haven’t been posting, I have been drinking, not stupid amounts and not everyday but enough for me to be back in that shite place, the place that has you feeling exhausted, tired, depressed grumpy, bloated and sad – so very very sad.

I’m still trying to figure out why I drink when I do but in all honesty it could be anything, sometimes it because I’ve been with my kids all day and I just want them to be quite and give me some head space, which then makes me feel like a bad mum which then leads to me drinking to make the voices in my head go away. Sometimes its if I’ve been on my own to long, I’m not working at the moment so my social life is: me, kids, hubby and occasionally a mum at the school gates, I get bored, I go to the pub for a change of scenery. However I am starting a new job very shortly, only 2 days a week but hopefully it’ll give me a bit of social interaction. Sometimes its just a beautiful sunny day and the wine witch pipes up that a glass of wine would be a lovely way to end the day.

When I slip up after long(ish) periods of sobriety I forget how bloody hard the early days are, I just think ‘oh well one slip, straight back on the wagon’ but actually the wine witch has been woken and she is screaming like a banshee, I have to remember the early days of sobriety are bloody hard, whether its after a year of drinking or a day of drinking, you need to batten down the hatches and hold on for dear life just to get though it till you can get to calmer waters.

So day 1 yet again, but this time I’m hunkered down and ready to fight, this is NOT easy but it CAN be done.

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8 thoughts on “Not posting, yes drinking

  1. We drink to numb emotional pain – rooted in our childhood. Willpower alone will do nothing for you. Trying to get sober alone will also get you nothing. We need a support plan and we need others to help us.

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  2. Sending you a huge hug, day one sucks big time. Don’t bet yourself up to much, shit my little alcoholic whiney bitch voice often tries to convince me I am bored or I deserve to have a drink. My worst day one came after giving up for 3 1/2 years and then I drank wasting another year. It’s not easy, be kind to yourself xox

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    1. Thanks so much, I’m feeling like crap today but looking forward to feeling so much better tomorrow. I’ve made a long list of things to do with the wine bitch comes calling xx

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  3. I’ve had so many day ones its crazy…. I don’t know what makes the final day one THAT one. I wish I could give some words of wisdom on that but unfortunately I can’t because I’m still struggling. Early on in my sobriety at this point, 77 days today (more than 10 years since I’ve cobbled that much together.. I do know that each time I had longer stretches and then fell back in, I’d add more supports each time… just keep trying…. I’ve found Belle from TTD as my sober coach, blogging, doctors involvement, talking about it, daily sober blog reading, lots and lots of podcasts and sweets and sparkling water are helping me.

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    1. 78 days in AMAZING and you should be so proud! I love reading blogs like yours they are honest, truthful and not a million miles ahead of me. Ill keep adding to my sober supports xx

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  4. We drink because alcohol is a drug and it’s addictive.

    There are many other reasons people drink, but when it’s compulsive and destructive, even just mentally, it’s unhealthy.

    Big hug. Days one is tough, but it will get better from here.

    Anne

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