I haven’t been posting, I have been drinking, not stupid amounts and not everyday but enough for me to be back in that shite place, the place that has you feeling exhausted, tired, depressed grumpy, bloated and sad – so very very sad.
I’m still trying to figure out why I drink when I do but in all honesty it could be anything, sometimes it because I’ve been with my kids all day and I just want them to be quite and give me some head space, which then makes me feel like a bad mum which then leads to me drinking to make the voices in my head go away. Sometimes its if I’ve been on my own to long, I’m not working at the moment so my social life is: me, kids, hubby and occasionally a mum at the school gates, I get bored, I go to the pub for a change of scenery. However I am starting a new job very shortly, only 2 days a week but hopefully it’ll give me a bit of social interaction. Sometimes its just a beautiful sunny day and the wine witch pipes up that a glass of wine would be a lovely way to end the day.
When I slip up after long(ish) periods of sobriety I forget how bloody hard the early days are, I just think ‘oh well one slip, straight back on the wagon’ but actually the wine witch has been woken and she is screaming like a banshee, I have to remember the early days of sobriety are bloody hard, whether its after a year of drinking or a day of drinking, you need to batten down the hatches and hold on for dear life just to get though it till you can get to calmer waters.
So day 1 yet again, but this time I’m hunkered down and ready to fight, this is NOT easy but it CAN be done.