The Beginning

So here we are AGAIN!!!! Another day 1.

I’ve recently managed about 120 days AF, I’ve managed a sober NYE, I’ve managed a trip home to NZ with my 2 girls, I’ve managed days and nights sober, but 2 weeks ago I lost it – Again. I picked up on my return from NZ, I was tired, I was proud of managing the trip AF and so maybe it was ‘reward’ behaviour who knows but since then I’ve drank on 7 different nights, each time I wake at 3am in the morning, sweating, headachy, filled with remorse, lying awake for hours, promising myself not again, that I’ve done over 100 days before, that I can do it again, but its not happening no matter how many pep talks I give myself. I don’t want to waste any more days feeling like crap, eyes like piss holes in the snow, depressed, grumpy with my kids, feeling sick in my stomach and a bad taste I can’t rid myself of no mater how many times I brush my teeth. I know I prefer the AF life, I know its what I want, so maybe its time to try different, I’m going to blog everyday for at least 100 days, I’m hoping the accountability will help.

100 days is the short term goal, 365 days is the midterm goal and Life is the longtime goal.


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